Reid & Robie

An Englishman thinks a hundred miles is a long way; an American thinks a hundred years is a long time.

– Diana Gabaldon

In preparation for the busy summer travel season, we’ve seen a lot of articles listing things Europeans find odd when visiting the U.S.

Here, Reid & Robie flip the tables and let our European friends know what Americans think is puzzling across the pond, and for our countrymen traveling to Europe this summer, we’ve added some tips and tricks to help them navigate this strange new world.

1. Small British beds

Britons are not known for a particularly healthy diet.

Bangers and mash, fried fish ‘n chips, Shepherd’s pie and toad in the hole are just a few of the stodgy pub fare Jamie Oliver has made a career of trying to coerce, cajole and ease his countrymen away from and get cooking in the kitchen. Then there’s the glut of prepared, prepackaged, frozen and refrigerated meals in British grocery aisles along with a mind-boggling array of preservative-laden, shelf-stable cakes, cookies, chips and crisps. Yet with so many, ahem, “full-figured” English men and women around, how are British beds so small?

English hotels claiming to sleep two often come with a mattress that’s 135cm (4 feet 6 inches) wide, the perfect space for a pair of average-sized adults to lay on their sides all night too afraid to move for fear of rolling out of bed.

To Americans planning a stay in England, we suggest inquiring about the dimensions of your double bed before reserving a stay.

2. Operating hours

Americans are the world’s most prolific shoppers believing their right to buy anything, anytime is written in the preamble to Declaration of Independence or hidden somewhere in the Constitution.

Not in Europe. Many mom & pop businesses open late, close in the middle of the day and sometimes reopen in the evening. But they rarely post operating hours because even if they did, they probably wouldn’t adhere to them.

The only sure way to know a store is open is when you see the front door ajar. Then it’s best to get everything you need since there’s no way of being sure when the place will open again.

3. Showers without doors

Somewhere in the not-so distant past Robie and I believe there was a continent-wide sale on shower stalls without doors. It’s the only way to explain the proliferation of open showers we’ve seen across Europe.

Another oddity is the wet bath common in the Balkans and Greece. These rooms are designed to let water splash everywhere and drain down a single, central opening in the floor. There aren’t any bathmats, and if the shower comes with a curtain, it probably only extends to your knees.

Wouldn’t it be simpler to get a door or put up a full-length shower curtain?

4. The word “entrée” meaning starter on the menu

In this instance, Europeans get it right. After all, entrée means “entrance” in French, so it’s intended as the start the meal not the main course.

To our countrymen who feel confused, keep in mind that just like home the appetizers are usually listed at the top or front of the menu.

5. Dates and times

Europeans use the 24-hour clock (what Americans call military time) and list the date before the month. For Americans traveling around the Continent, this means June 7^th is written 07.06 while July 6^th is 06.07, a big difference if you check your train tickets and suddenly think you’re leaving on the wrong day.

6. Mayonnaise with French fries

Okay, we have to admit we love this one.

Despite the U.S. Supreme Court’s 1893 ruling classifying tomatoes as vegetables so they could be taxed, tomatoes are botanically fruit and no one has ever thought about putting grape jelly on their fries. Plus, the degeneration of today’s ketchup means the beloved, thick paste from our childhood made with spices and real tomatoes is now little more than a watery, red-dyed, sugar sauce filled with enough preservatives to make a Twinkie blush.

On the other hand, European mayonnaise made from high-quality olive oil, farm-raised eggs, spicy French mustard and lemons so abundant that trees across the Mediterranean literally droop with fruit is something truly special – and just what your French fries have been begging for.

Trust us, you may never go back to ketchup.

7. Being ignored by the waitstaff

This one might hurt, but it isn’t personal.

In Europe there probably won’t be someone escorting you to a table, and the waiter may pass your table four times without acknowledgment. After you’ve placed an order, he won’t return to ask if everything’s okay or stop by with a check. It’s not rude. It’s just the way they take care of customers – with professional aloofness but no rush. If you want to fit in, we suggest ignoring him back because that’s what locals do.

If you can’t find your waiter when you’re ready to leave, simply head to the counter and point to your table. Someone will figure out what you ate and present the bill.

8. Questionable fashion statements

While elderly people dress up for a stroll to the corner market, younger Europeans seem to live in sweatpants. Then there’s Europe’s fascination with pleather, bright neon sneakers and boot covers that wrap around the calf magically turning any shoe into a boot. Worst of all is the continent’s love for animal prints, a fashion faux pas that Americans reserve for “women of a certain age.” In Europe leopard prints are on everything and everyone.

9. Where’s the ice?

Like the classic Wendy’s commercial from the 1980s, Americans hoping for ice in their drink will look at the tall, thin glass put in front of them and wonder where the ice is.

While Americans view ice as a necessity, Europeans see it as an uncalled-for addition that dilutes a drink’s carefully crafted flavor. Some even consider it unhealthy to drink excessively cold beverages, but the biggest reason Europeans use less ice is that large-scale commercial machines simply aren’t common.

For small restaurants ice machines are costly, take up valuable space and use an obscene amount of energy particularly in hot environments. So if you’re an American traveling through Europe, expect your beverage to come chilled in a can or bottle. Whether it stays cold depends on how fast you drink up.

10. Missing sheets or ones that don’t fit

Not all of Europe uses fitted sheets. Instead, a flat sheet is placed over the mattress with its ends crammed underneath. This often leads to the corners coming untucked and part of the bed getting short-sided. Then there are places that eliminate top sheets altogether making the only bed cover a (hopefully) clean duvet cover. Like showers without doors, we think this must be to reduce costs, but it’s a stingy habit that’s quite possibly unhygienic. To our European friends, we recommend spending a few bucks on a bed set.

Problem solved.

11. European bathrooms

We saved this uncomfortable topic for last.

For Americans, using any loo in Europe means having to figure out how another toilet flushes. Is it a pull-down cord? A nozzle on the wall or possibly a button? If so, which one? As if that’s not confusing enough, then there’s the bidet.

While it might look like a second toilet, a bidet is a specialized fixture designed to improve hygiene and reduce paper consumption. That may be, but most Americans are flummoxed about what to do when confronted with a bidet.

Finally, there are the centuries-old buildings where toilet paper clogs narrow pipes. This means having to deal with additional paper trash – and not the recyclable kind. Yet these places always insist on having trashcans so tiny they become full after two or three visits to the loo.

That’s our take of strange things on the Continent. Tell us what weird things you find odd about traveling in Europe and we’ll add it to the list!